contemplative writing, 6

 

So what thoughts are bubbling up? If I were to sit with myself right now and dedicate a half hour in this silence to contemplative writing, what would come of it? The following pieces that I am about to write were doing exactly that.

Listen for the

deepest bubbles

what are they wanting to say?

A few possible thoughts occur

but I note them elsewhere

these are not the deepest

I wait.

I just sit with myself.

Knowing something is down there.

Every day

I forget the deep thought

when drifting off.

I find myself looking over at my pillow. Then I remember the most recent thought that I classified as deep that I never got to explore. Actually it had come to me when I was driving.

There was a feeling of sadness just because my favorite child is growing so quickly. He is 9. My favorite age is just as they turn 5. Then I thought, I have so much love for these children I watch grow, all the waves of babies. But what about the world itself? Do I not love the world as much as one single human? And if I love the world what about how it is changing recently. I need to explore my thoughts on the world, on America. I do love the world. I do love America.

How did we get here? The president of our nation is moving close to a dictator. He is making all of these bad decisions, pushing poor and disabled people into danger, throwing out the safety nets that keep us safe.

For my own sanity, I have been ignoring the fascist direction our country is moving in, and how it affects the world. Also the threat of nuclear bombs going off seems more and more near, every day.

My heart can’t break for the world, because if I allowed myself to really feel how scary this all is, I would be paralyzed by my own fear. I could not move.

I love the world, so much. It is so beautiful, nature, people, everything. I don’t know what I can do to help. I am so worried about our world. But, again, I can’t let it consume me.